i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
