I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
