Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How naked do you want me to be?
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