I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
