wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
