Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
