i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
