Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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