You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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