So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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