i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
