i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
