Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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