Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
