So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
