Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
