census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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