Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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