I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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