do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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