He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize