I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
