watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
