I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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