I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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