Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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