he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
