dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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