How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
