I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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