so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize