The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
love makes seman taste better
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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