she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
two words: eviction party
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
