She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It's just like the Real World with babies
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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