bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
