i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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