somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
