Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
