If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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