We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
