On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
