i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
