He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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