bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
