Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
