his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
