What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
