that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
