i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
