Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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