Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
is that a dick in a sweater?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
