eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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