man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize