you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize