Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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