I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
