I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize