i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
