I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He did a backflip because drugs
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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