I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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