Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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