I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
