im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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