It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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