I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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