I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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