I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
