I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize