You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
