girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
