Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
