so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
