He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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