I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize