I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
