Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
